Family
by MonsterBrat
Summary: An AU in which Sasuke's parents died in the war when he was three and Itachi stayed to care for him. A series of POVs by Sasuke, Itachi, Iruka, Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura.
1. Family

An alternate universe. Sasuke wins some things and loses others.

Family

Sasuke puts flowers on their graves, Itachi does not. It is not spoken of, but everyone except Sasuke knows Itachi is glad for their parents' death. Sasuke, although he can barely remember them before the war with the Cloud took them away, goes to their graves once a year and prays for them quietly, deeply. Itachi stands with a coat or an umbrella nearby, depending on the weather.

Itachi remembers them very well, and that may or may not be the reason he doesn't give a damn. After all, Sasuke has long since learned that his brother is cruel, sometimes without a cause. Like the way he laughs when Sasuke fails, but always takes care of him anyway. It's painful, and maybe it's not always sincere, but Sasuke really believes his brother tries.

He has to take care of both of them, now that their parents are dead. He does it well, Sasuke is never left hungry or cold or hurt. Itachi always shows up for all of his important days and even congratulates him when he is named best rookie of the year. He does everything a good brother should, and he cooks and cleans and tries to wear an apron and his hair down, like mother used to, although usually he gets fed up all too quickly. Sometimes he locks himself in his room, and sometimes he disappears for days. Sasuke doesn't mind, though. That's just the way his brother is.

His brother never trains him. Sasuke wishes he did, but he doesn't and that's how things are. They never speak of the Shinobi arts in the house, Itachi doesn't like it. He does not discuss missions or even Sasuke's training under their Kakashi-sensei. Sometimes he disappears when Sasuke trains in the house, and sometimes he tells him to stop and get out. Sasuke accepts this as he does all his brother's quirks, quietly.

Sometimes his brother is benevolent. It seems like a difficult thing for him to be, kindness is not something Itachi is proficient at, but sometimes he buys cake for no reason or rents a movie or makes Sasuke's favorite foods and they have a pleasant dinner with conversation. Sometimes he waits deliberately for Sasuke so they can walk to the meeting grounds on the bridge together. Sasuke always makes sure not to mention these things, his brother doesn't handle that very well. Sasuke is afraid that Itachi will stop if he thinks Sasuke notices.

Sasuke likes his brother. He still wonders what life would be like though, if their parents were alive. Maybe Itachi would be nicer. Maybe he wouldn't always be busy with missions or house work or _something_. Maybe they'd be a really normal family, like Haruno Sakura has. Somehow he doubts it, the thought of Itachi _normal_ is just too strange, but he still wonders.

Sasuke knows Itachi doesn't miss their parents like he does. His brother never speaks of them and the only photographs they have are entirely in Sasuke's possession. He makes sure to keep them away from his brother, just in case. He does not remember them well, those smiling people in the pictures, Sasuke was only three when they died, but Itachi, who was eight, says their father worked a lot and their mother didn't. That's the extent of his say on the topic. Sasuke likes their mother; she looks a little like Itachi, but with longer hair and more of a smile and a prettier, almost younger face. Their father is sort of big and solid and _there_¸ and Sasuke thinks Itachi might not like him more than mother, but he still looks nice, like someone stern but fair and ready to help.

He himself is only in a few of the pictures, mostly as a baby in his mother's arms. Itachi is there too, surprisingly as he doesn't like photographs, and he is always standing to the side from mother and father together in the middle, with baby Sasuke. His brother never smiles in the pictures, though he rarely smiles in real life, too. Sometimes Sasuke catches him at it, when he thinks no one is looking. It's a strange expression, his brother's face looks frightening instead of happy, but Sasuke thinks Itachi is trying and he ignores it as best he can. Sometimes the expression really does look like a smile and then Sasuke feels good for the rest of the afternoon. Itachi is usually smiling because of him.

Sometimes he tries to do things for his brother. Once he made a scroll with their names and family name on it for a lesson and worked really hard on it. It was supposed to be a calligraphy exercise and Iruka-sensei gave him perfect for it. Itachi liked it, too. He put it on the wall in the hall between their bedroom doors and Sasuke always looks at it before he goes to sleep. It was supposed to have his whole family's names on it, but he didn't really feel comfortable putting the rest in. Iruka-sensei understood and didn't mention it, and neither did Itachi. Sasuke remembers how happy he'd been when his brother actually tipped his head to the side and admired the scroll for a little while before he nailed it to the wall.

Once he remembers being seven and cooking a messy birthday cake for his brother. The kitchen was covered in flour and most of the dishes were dirty and Sasuke nearly burned his hand off, but Itachi just let him do it, disappearing until he was more or less done and then coming back to cut the cake. It didn't turn out to be exactly edible, and his brother threw it away and said Sasuke mixed it wrong. Then he got out a little ice cream cake he'd gotten at the store and they had that, instead.

Sasuke does not have the perfect family. His house is a little cold and a little empty and most of the time he feels lonely. He does not go to festivals because everyone there comes with their parents. His birthdays are quiet, he doesn't like having guests over. In the end, however, there is usually food in the fridge and he doesn't have to do the laundry alone, and Itachi finds a cake and some present for him every year, even if it's never the new kunai sharpening kit he'd wanted. And sometimes they sit on the roof together to watch the fireworks of the spring festival and Itachi tries to smile.

Sasuke wonders about having a family, though.

END

A/N: Itachi is nicer without his father around. This is my own personal opinion on what he'd be like without parents to constantly push him to be better. Actually, in this AU they've broken with the clan more or less (or rather, Itachi has isolated himself and Sasuke from the Uchiha clan). Still, besides his family, Itachi obviously has some serious issues with his own way of life, or rather with Sasuke being involved in this way of life… in any case, it's only a story. Don't pay too much attention to it.


	2. Tattered

A/N: The second chapter in what is turning out to be a series, after all. It's not exactly related in plot, but since it's set in the same universe, I put it together.

The premise, for anyone who doesn't remember the first chapter, is that Sasuke and Itachi's parents died during the war with the cloud, leaving the boys to live as orphans together. Itachi has not run away yet, nor has he massacred the clan.

**Tattered**

Itachi doesn't know himself anymore. He hasn't felt like himself in a long, long time. Possibly, this is because these days he's not doing missions as much as he's doing laundry, and instead of killing people he makes bento boxes for Sasuke to take to school. He goes to Parent-Teacher interviews and sits and listens to Iruka-sensei (a Chuunin he's gotten to know all too well) talk about how good Sasuke is and how brilliant and if they ever need anything to please come and talk because it must be very hard.

After listening to this concerned, enthusiastic stranger, Itachi feels all the less like himself. It is so confusing, being encouraged to ask for help. After a while, Iruka-sensei's words start to blur together and he begins to wonder if the man isn't trying to kill him, if he isn't an enemy. Itachi doesn't like it, this strange obsessive tendency he has to fight people who are only being nice to him. He knows he shouldn't do it, but he can't help himself.

He feels like a child sometimes, sitting there listening to his father go on and on about the Shinobi arts, eyes wide in a trance of revulsion and fascination. It is the same feeling that Iruka-sensei's talk about grading and school-work and extracurricular activities produces. He wonders if this isn't some sort of interrogation tactic, if he isn't on display in front of some superior.

Paranoia. Total and complete paranoia. Itachi can't help himself from avoiding every meeting but the bare necessities, twice a year for report cards.

Is this normal? Normal to Itachi is not questioning himself. Normal is not reacting so much to such a simple thing. It's only a Chuunin, and he's talking about Sasuke, the only subject Itachi honestly can't get enough of. Normal is going to a mission for weeks on end, the feeling of freedom, stepping past the gates and out of the forests around Konoha into the sun and the fields and the sky. A frighteningly addictive freedom, one Itachi can no longer indulge in. These days there is just too much to do, too much to worry and plan and think about to enjoy the simple act of killing.

Normal is Shinobi. Normal is feeling nothing.

So yes, he's gotten a little strange, even by his own standards. Itachi knows he is not exactly like other people. Most other Shinobi, even his teammates on the ANBU, don't quite have the helpless abandon he does when killing a person. They think too much, or maybe Itachi doesn't think enough, because to him a body is a body and it honestly doesn't matter whose body it happens to be, as long as it's dead.

Except these days it's not just a body, but the body of a 10 year old child with black hair and black eyes who screamed for his family before he died, and Itachi feels sick for a long time afterwards, without understanding, shaking slightly but for no apparent reason. When he'd gone home that night he'd made dinner and sat and just listened to Sasuke talk and talk about inconsequential things. He'd never thought before that he could ever require comfort, human interaction, but he does and it scares him.

Itachi remembers being eight years old, killing his first victim in the Chuunin exam, and he hadn't felt all that much back then, or in all the years afterwards. He'd always assumed that was normal. Now he doesn't know what to assume anymore, because he doesn't think he could kill that boy again, can't listen to the shrill, annoying little voice screaming in his ears, long after the boy himself is dead.

It is a different sort of paranoia than the one he has to face in Iruka-sensei's classroom. He doesn't honestly know which torture he would prefer.

Everything, everything is different now. His situation hasn't changed that much, he is still Shinobi and he's still a genius and he's still Uchiha Itachi, but these days he's also an older brother, a caretaker, a "parent". Itachi doesn't understand these things, honestly finds himself lost as to what to do with Sasuke most of the time, except saying "you did well", and "try hard", over and over again like a broken record. He tries to say something more, to explain himself sometimes, but the words lose themselves between his brain and his mouth. He thinks he is beginning to sound like his father, and it scares him. These days a lot of things seem to scare him.

He honestly wants to run away. Just leave one day and never come back, go somewhere where there is nothing to do but kill people, which is what Itachi is really good at, is really made for. He can't help but think that if he could just leave he'd be feeling better again, and he probably would, too, no Sasuke to distract and worry him, no more parent-teacher interviews to shake his nerves, nothing but a bloody sword and the Sharingan in his eyes.

Of course, he can't really do it. Itachi has grown attached, can't help thinking that Sasuke might die without him, and for some reason this isn't the same as his parents dying, as all the people he kills. He doesn't think he could accept it, if Sasuke died. So unlike himself.

The worse thing is, it's affecting his performance, this new behavior, these new expectations. It makes him pause in front of a corpse that looks like his brother, makes his hand shake sometimes when there's another report card coming up tomorrow afternoon and he just knows he can't face sitting there and listening to it again. His teammate, a man named Shiranui-san, asks if he isn't sick a little and if he needs a rest. Itachi doesn't know how to answer this, somehow he thinks that saying "I need to kill someone who doesn't look like my brother" will get him court-martialed for being psychologically unfit for duty.

Of course, he makes sure Sasuke never sees this, but he still worried that maybe his brother knows, somehow. It just adds to his nervousness. Sometimes he has to sneak away from the house, or lock himself in his room, just to calm down a little.

He is still not used to this village, even though he's never lived anywhere else. These days he knows people, whether teammates or civilians or just other Shinobi he occasionally interacts with. All of them say hello to him and talk to him and Itachi can't accept this sense of belonging to something. He remembers his childhood; living from mission to training to mission to graduation, all of it alone in a little bubble of isolation. This sudden, inexplicable change upsets him. He does not think that this is how a Shinobi should live, together with all these other people. These crowds of strangers who know him and look at him and talk to him makes him want to just go away somewhere. He would have wanted to run out of the village, but he can't so he goes home and sits on his bed for hours, trying to force himself to calm down.

Because Itachi is used to being ready _all the time_, not just on missions or outside the village or even in the streets, but for every second of his life, asleep or awake, and when he has to deal with so many people who know him too well, or even just a little, and live so close and walk by the house all the time, never far away, he begins to have the urge to kill them all, just so he'd feel a little lonelier, a little safer. Itachi can deal with strangers just fine, but he can't deal with the village which after 16 years of his life has grown to know him intimately.

He wonders what would have happened to him if his parents were still alive. Itachi doesn't think he could handle it, living always on edge out there in the village with all those familiar people, and then coming back to live with his father and mother again. His father wouldn't let him go away anywhere for long, or sit in his room on his own, he would probably want explanations, want Itachi to progress faster, and god knows what else.

Itachi wonders if he could even handle all of that without killing his father. Probably not. Thankfully he doesn't have to.

Still, Itachi wonders if the life of a hunted missing nin would be easier than this. It is something that he secretly wishes for, but cannot find it in himself to take.

END

A/N: You cannot force someone to be happy. This is an exercise in proving that.


	3. Seethrough

Sometimes it's hard to see people for what they really are. Sometimes it's just way too easy.

**See-Through**

He likes to hand in his reports in the morning, the standard, perfect time, which Iruka appreciates. It is the sort of kindness he does not really associate with people anymore, a courtesy that few seem to care enough to exhibit. Iruka takes note of the people that do, because sometimes he likes to remember that not everyone is cruel and petty and _childlike_ in their total lack of care for other people.

So, yeah, he likes Uchiha Itachi-kun a lot, even if it's a silly thing to base his opinion on.

Well, of course it's not the only thing that he likes about that boy, just the one that comes to mind if he's forced to explain himself, which mind you he isn't, since it's such a petty thought.

He likes other things, too. Like Uchiha-kun's neat writing, the way he never speaks out of turn, the precision with which he talks, moves, lives. It's so rare for Iruka to see someone who doesn't make an ass out of himself or try to be eccentric or strange for some unknown reason. The total normality and politeness of Uchiha-kun draws him into a sort of relaxation he rarely experiences anymore. He is probably the only person Iruka can trust to behave the way he is supposed to behave in any given situation, after taking into account the fact that he barely ever speaks or shows emotion.

Over all, it is a comfort to know someone like that.

Of course, he knows he is likely the only person to think that way. Most of the people he knows think that Uchiha-kun is strange at least and secretly planning to torch the village at most. He's heard it all in his time, although these days no one says things like that anymore. Everyone's gotten to know Uchiha-kun now, gotten used to the quiet and his strange behavior. Iruka, when pressured for an opinion (which, mind you, he never is) would say that he doesn't find anything strange about Uchiha-kun. Some people just don't say everything that happens to pop into their mind, which is a nice change for once. And what's so strange about Uchiha-kun, really? To Iruka, wearing a mask _every single day for over twenty years_ is a lot stranger than being a little quiet and withdrawn. Not to mention the other weird stuff he's seen some people do around here. All told, Konoha is a pretty strange village.

Iruka thinks sometimes that Jounin just wouldn't make it with children. From the reactions he observes, he realizes that most of his superiors have no idea about what to do with someone who doesn't have some obvious quirks to their personality, some sort of rhythm which to Iruka seems totally foreign, although he sees it everyday. Probably, if any of these Jounin ever have to look after one of Iruka's youngest classes (which always receive a qualified teacher, instead of a substitute) they would do something stupid that impressionable young minds would absorb and copy, thus perpetuating the cycle of strange behavior.

Iruka finds Uchiha-kun reminds him of his youngest classes, the children who are still so new to the Academy that for the first few weeks they sit in neat little lines and try to keep all expressions off their faces, wondering what exactly is expected of them. Most of those are the children of Konoha's main clans. Iruka can just tell the boy he has just been introduced to is the eldest in his clan because of the way he would sit, ramrod straight back, closed expression with a sort of confusion visible behind it.

When a child's trainer changes, or leaves, or is replaced, they no longer know what to do. All the carefully built expectations disappear and all that's left is discipline to fall back on, to sit still and wait for something to happen because they don't know what this new man might want. The eldest are usually the quietest, because they have been trained the longest and hardest to be the best the clan has to offer, a sort of trophy to award the village of Konoha.

So yes, Uchiha-kun is like that too, the child who no longer has the instinct to run off and play but doesn't quite know what to do with himself, either, when there are no instructions to fulfill. Sitting there, not-fidgeting in his own little lineup of others whom he'd never met, staring at an instructor whom he doesn't know. Expecting nothing, because this situation is so new he doesn't even know if orders apply anymore, or if in the Academy one simply trains by themselves somehow, like the older kids do, or if he is about to be hit, hurt, sent home in disgrace. Permanently on edge behind the politeness and the routines he cannot erase.

Iruka finds it charming, although the comparison in itself is worrying, he supposes. Uchiha-kun is just too young. Iruka can no more accept him to be the equal of his fellows and not a child than he can accept that Naruto will eventually grow to become a greater ninja than he. Iruka is too used to his students, perhaps. He knows it himself and he does not protest. He is comfortable where he is, in his own little lineup, and his expectations have grown to encompass all the strange, eccentric, and downright insane people this village has and will produce.

Of course, if he's pressured, he'll admit that it is not normal, the way Uchiha-kun doesn't seem to have any expectations, looks perpetually ready for anything and everything to happen to him from a world of people he still doesn't seem to trust or even understand. After all, these same children that for the first few weeks sit in neat little rows and quietly copy down lessons eventually grow into a talkative crowd with their own micro-universe inside the classroom, their own superiors and inferiors and eccentric friends whom they nevertheless have grown to have expectations of. In the end, not even the quietest kid Iruka's ever taught had left the academy unchanged.

Iruka has been told he has the tendency to misjudge people. As Kakashi-san ever so frequently points out, Iruka doesn't seem to live in the real world, where Shinobi are dangerous and even Genin are fighting for their life in every mission. He wonders, privately, if he is misjudging Uchiha-kun. It would not be so strange, after all Iruka only sees him a few times a year for any extended length of time, to discuss his younger brother's grades.

Somehow, though, he cannot let go of that first impression; the polite child, just barely into adolescence and already a Chuunin, coming to hand in a report at exactly 6:30 AM, just like on the schedule all the new Chuunin are given, huge eyes staring silently, bow precisely at the right angle, words and tone calculated to mean nothing.

Iruka is not sure that it is a good impression, or that Uchiha-kun is a good person, but he cannot let go of the notion that the boy is too easy to read.

**END**

Well, another one-shot in the same universe as the whole series. I am thinking about adding more points of view, specifically Naruto, Kakashi (coming up next), and possibly Sakura.

And I'm not trying to paint Iruka as oblivious, or naive. He sees something that no one else sees, and I'll let the reader decide how much truth is in there. Personally, I think he sees Itachi's motivations maybe better than Itachi does himself.

Next up: Kakashi? Maybe...


	4. LookALike

A/N: In this universe, obviously Kakashi did not quit the ANBU (which I believe he was once part of), and hasn't _yet_ become a Jounin instructor. Obviously eventually he will, and I plan to skip ahead a little and have him teach Team 7 soon… well, you'll see. We'll get to Sakura and Naruto soon.

_Anyway, on with the fic:

* * *

_

Kakashi sees himself in a mirror and loves his own reflection.

**Look-Alike**

Kakashi watches him fight, and he is in love. Not with the boy, of course, but with the graceful fluidity of him, the uncaring eyes, the lack of acknowledgment. It is beautiful and strange and frightening to see. Itachi fascinates him in a totally different way than anyone before, except maybe his teacher.

But then, Yondaime had always smiled, in the end. After everything, the illusion of invincibility would be gone and behind it would be that caring person whom Kakashi respected for more than his battle talent. For Itachi, there was no end and no smile. The boy simply continues, reducing alert levels little by little but never quite stopping.

Kakashi knows that person. He's been there, in that terrifying life of always holding out, mission after mission after mission until there is no longer any reason or desire to relax, until everything simply blurs and it's hard to believe that you were born in a time of peace, that such a thing even exists. It is cruel, but he loves watching Itachi because Itachi is what he used to be, what he could be, if he needs to. Kakashi doesn't have it in him to feel pity or sympathy.

The boy finally slows from his fight, and Kakashi, who never does interfere (for perfectly practical reasons, he doesn't want to startle the boy) comes out from the shadows and watches openly as the corpse of the enemy nin is efficiently bagged for later investigation. Itachi is still young, and short for his age to boot, so Kakashi takes the body bag from him silently and puts it over his shoulder.

Their teams are still scattered, Itachi's A team is off putting up a barrier and Kakashi's own B team is looking for a base of operations. On their shared frequency there's a hushed conversation going between Genma (who only joined to pay off his mortgage quickly) and one of the new recruits who just joined this month. From the way the man's voice cracks Kakashi can tell he will not survive the ANBU for two years. In a little while he will disappear, or quit, or be hospitalized. He's seen it all before.

The boy—man beside him has been in the ANBU for much longer than two years. Itachi joined when Kakashi was just barely starting to think about quitting, and for some reason that might have made all the difference. Kakashi could have been a Jounin by now, his own obligatory two year tour is long finished, but he's still here, and so is Itachi. Maybe he stays to watch the boy who isn't a boy anymore, and maybe he stays because Itachi brought out his own need to kill, to keep going despite his sanity telling him he should stop. Kakashi doesn't joke about the ANBU anymore, he knows why it's bad for you and why the obligatory tour can be cut short for a variety of reasons and why no one's obliged to stay. The fact that he does it all anyway could point to a masochistic streak he'll probably never get rid of.

Why Itachi stays? He doesn't know. Never asked and never intends to. A man's reasons and demons are his own and no one should have to explain the things in their heads. Keeping quiet about your mental health is something Kakashi can understand intimately, remembering his own two years of silent penitence, with Obito's face always behind his eyes. By now it's faded to the back of his mind, and maybe if he hadn't stayed in the ANBU he would be alright now, a normal Jounin, maybe with a lover or some friends and drinking buddies.

He doesn't have drinking buddies or friends or a lover. He doesn't think he ever will anymore. He doesn't know anyone who would really understand. Not ask questions, sure, but that's not enough anymore.

So instead he spends his nights and days and afternoons doing the jobs the rest of the village tries to forget about, with the silent leader of A team at his side. Itachi watches him, and Kakashi stares back without fear. Sometimes his mind tries to tell him he sees something in the boy which is terrible, and that he should say something or do something to help, but he doesn't and he won't, ever. It doesn't even matter whether whatever he could say would matter to Itachi, Kakashi just doesn't want to.

It is a perverse pleasure, to see someone else who is as blood-streaked and tired and _old_ as him, and still enjoys it, still keeps going. It makes Kakashi hungry to continue, too.

He thinks of Itachi as his comrade. He would save the boy, if he has the chance. It goes without saying that Kakashi will give his life for his teammates, and for Itachi's teammates, and for Itachi himself. He isn't so sure Itachi knows it, and if he does most likely he doesn't trust Kakashi to really save him. It's probably for the best, Kakashi doesn't really trust himself either. In a way, it is good that Itachi is someone who will never ask him for help, who Kakashi cannot imagine dying.

He thinks Itachi would kill for him, if he found he needed to. It is an evil thought. Kakashi can't quite accept everything he sees in that boy, no matter how much he thinks of them as alike Itachi is always one step away, one step less human, more destructive than him. He isn't so sure it's a bad thing. Sometimes he thinks he should try to be colder, just forget about everything and become a killing machine. It certainly looks easier: Itachi is always calm and collected and no matter how many times Kakashi has watched the boy sleep he never seems to dream. Kakashi dreams, and he wishes he didn't.

Sometimes he wonders if this isn't an obsession. It feels like and yet unlike what he felt watching Obito die, that sort of endless anger, sadness that seems impossible to contain or overcome, total isolation, like being stuck in a room training alone for days and days without another human being in sight. It feels like that all the time, with Itachi, watching those huge black eyes ignoring him, or sometimes staring back openly. When he is ignored Kakashi thinks Itachi is trying to tell him to go away. Or maybe he really doesn't know he's being watched. Or maybe he just stops caring. When he is watched in return Kakashi has that silly insane feeling that Itachi knows his innermost thoughts and just doesn't give a damn. The fact that he knows makes Kakashi look back at himself in horror at his own thought. The fact that he doesn't care just encourages Kakashi.

Sometimes he wonders if this isn't more, if he isn't crossing a line he really shouldn't be, with a seventeen year old boy. Kakashi cares about his comrades, it is the only real moral he keeps with any regularity, and he would never hurt him. And then, he looks at Itachi and wonders if there's even something there that he _can_ hurt. He wants to touch so badly, just some sort of intimacy with another person who understands a little of what goes on in Kakashi's mind. It is obsessive, the way he wants to get closer and closer until Itachi has to acknowledge him.

He thinks of it sometimes, but eventually realizes he likes Itachi better as that untouchable glass person he is in real life. He doesn't really want to touch the boy, would obviously never hurt or even encourage him. He thinks that doing any of that would make Itachi more human than Kakashi wants him to be. He doesn't think he could stand it, seeing Itachi vulnerable, the way he himself is sometimes, when he's relaxed enough to just say whatever's on his mind. No, keeping him at a distance keeps him exactly the way Kakashi wants him, cold and ruthless and uncaring.

And if Itachi isn't like that, doesn't talk or look vulnerable in the end, well Kakashi isn't sure that it wouldn't be even more frightening. After all, ANBU is one thing, but sometimes he thinks that Itachi is just born like that, with that frightening emptiness. Kakashi isn't like that and he can't accept it.

He realizes that the kind of intimacy he sometimes craves is exactly what he shouldn't pursue. He knows with a doomed certainty that Itachi is possibly the only person who understands him, and also the only person who has absolutely nothing to say on the matter. It might be that he doesn't care, but somehow Kakashi thinks that he is simply incapable of helping.

Sometimes, Itachi reminds him of a mirror. Kakashi can see himself in the boy: that quiet certainty and coldhearted disregard he himself was so famous for. He wonders what that says about himself, that the person whom he wants most is the one who is also exactly like himself, a dark mirror of the things he hates most. A narcissus complex that is ignored the only way Kakashi knows how: by pushing it off on someone else.

He tries to tell himself that what he really wants in Itachi is someone to justify his own empty, hungry way of life. He wants to see another person who lives in the same world Kakashi does and _doesn't care_. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes he just feels like a pedophile, because Itachi is 9 years younger than him and not even legal and nothing should, in theory, make thinking of him like that right.

Theory doesn't work in the ANBU. It doesn't work in real life at all. In the end of the day all Kakashi has to fall back on from his own insecurities is Itachi's outward certainty in his own existence. Whether it's wrong or right, he has nothing else.

Sometimes he thinks that's all he deserves.

**END**

A/N: Kakashi still blames himself for too many things, maybe. I don't think he ever quite forgave himself. Itachi brings out that cold-heartedness he used to live in, before Obito. Despite having changed, sometimes it's easier to go back to the old pattern and try to forget.

I think Kakashi is not even thinking of Itachi most of the time here, but of himself. It's more a Kakashi introspective than anything else.


	5. That Marching Song

A/N: As a kind reviewer mentioned, I've been neglecting Sasuke… the thing is, this is a subtle thing for Sasuke, because he's still lonely and he's still obsessive, just about different things. I find Itachi easier to write, to me his character is clearer than Sasuke's.

So… without further ado… Naruto. About Sasuke. Who is in the end both his best friend and worst enemy.

**That Marching Song**

Naruto enjoys life. He isn't some whiny bratty little shit like _some people_, and he doesn't cry about little things or get all upset over the bad stuff that happens sometimes. So what if he doesn't have so many friends or a family or tons of other stuff that he wishes he did. To Naruto, there is Iruka-sensei, and there's his Team 7 (which is, he is proud to say, still doing alright) and that's about all he needs. After all, anything else is just extra perks, and a ninja's gotta live sparingly and all that junk.

So he laughs and he plays, because hell, if Kakashi-sensei can read that stupid book of his, he hasn't got any right to be telling Naruto that painting Sasuke's hair green in the middle of the night isn't team-spirit-like. And anyway, it gets a laugh (though hidden) out of Sakura. And Sasuke, after he finished trying to beat Naruto up (well, he did, but Naruto managed to push him off a cliff so they're even now) even smirked in that totally lame "I'm so much cooler than you" way he always has. That bastard. How anyone can look cool with neon green hair is beyond Naruto, but this guy manages it just fine, at least according to Sakura. It must be some sort of clan secret.

And they even managed to get the mission done properly that day, which is always a bonus. Iruka-sensei was so proud (or so resigned) that he treated Naruto to ramen afterwards. Sasuke and Sakura came too, but that's mostly because Kakashi-sensei just wouldn't go away (it was something about his fridge spontaneously combusting, and how Iruka-sensei who is so smart could buy that Naruto just doesn't know) so it turned into a team dinner. Sasuke ordered pork, that bastard, and Naruto had to order some too (he did manage to eat that guy under the table, though). Iruka-sensei tried to strike a conversation but eventually it just degenerated into Sakura screaming at Naruto to calm down a little and Kakashi bonking them all on the head (Iruka-sensei really got mad that time, it was scary). Sasuke even managed to smirk at that, and then team 10 came in for a celebratory dinner and everything went to hell.

Afterwards, Iruka-sensei told him that he had a lot of work to do that night and Naruto couldn't sleep over after all, and maybe tomorrow. Naruto understands that stuff, he doesn't mind (even though he complains, but that's just so Iruka-sensei wouldn't think he doesn't want to, cuz Naruto's smart that way). So he headed home, and then Sasuke mentioned something about his brother being away for a few days so Naruto had a great idea. It took soooo long to convince Sasuke to have a sleep-over, because Sasuke has such a huge stick up his ass it's not even funny. But they did, eventually, and without Sakura too (Naruto wanted to, of course, but then Sasuke said he was a pervert cuz Sakura's a _girl_ and it's not right, so it was just the two of them).

Sasuke is such a strange guy. He gets all wound up about the weirdest things. Like when Naruto mentioned that Itachi must be a neat freak because their house was so clean (it really was, too, you'd expect an ANBU captain to have cool secret mission stuff scattered all over the place, at least, or weapons or traps) Sasuke freaked out and stopped talking to him and said he should just go home, in that case, and he hadn't been invited anyway.

It's a good thing Naruto knows how to speak Sasuke-ese. No means yes, and yes means "oh god, please, Naruto please," and whatever means "I secretly want to, but I can't say that cuz I'm just too cool". So he stayed after all and they had a good time, watching TV and playing games and eating cereal out of the box (even though Sasuke thought it was gross at first). Sasuke unfolded his brother's spare camping equipment, which is a lot better than Naruto's because it's standard issue ANBU, and they spent the night comfortably on the tatami floors. It's kinda like Iruka-sensei's house, really traditional and stuff. Naruto always forgets about the damn tatami and Sasuke has to tell him to be careful and not run around and stuff. What kinda moron lives in a house where you can't run, Naruto doesn't know.

When they were going to sleep, things got really quiet and strange. Sasuke turned away so Naruto couldn't see his face, and Naruto just stared at the ceiling like he did every night, except that time the ceiling was strange and there was the sound of someone breathing beside him. It's kinda wierd, but not bad. He's heard it before, but Iruka-sensei sleeps really lightly, although his breathing is heavier. He wakes up at every sound. Sasuke's is the other way around. Naruto keeps expecting him to be a light sleeper but he isn't really. Or maybe he hides it well.

Sasuke is such a weird guy. He is so quiet, although maybe that's just because he's trying to act cool. When he says stuff he's really saying stuff and not just talking. Sometimes Naruto thinks he says a lot more in his mind and the words just don't come out. That's what it sounds like when he talks. He gets riled up over the stupidest things, like his stupid older brother whom Naruto sees every day but never speaks to.

Itachi is even weirder than Sasuke, he's not just quiet, he's like a mute. It's like he doesn't even have anything to say, or he doesn't know what's right to speak. And Sasuke is so defensive of him, like his brother _needs_ defending, because come on, ANBU? Even Naruto knows Itachi is one of those guys who don't pull their punches, even in practice. He hates those guys, the kind who hurt people even if they don't have to. He thinks Itachi is really cruel, even though he's never spoken more than ten words to the guy. He wonders sometimes if Itachi beats Sasuke. Now THAT makes him angry. He'd kill the guy if it were true. It's not, though. He doesn't really believe it. It's just Sasuke is really, really quiet about Itachi. Like he's embarrassed or something. Sometimes Naruto thinks it'd be better if Itachi just disappeared.

Because sometimes, Sasuke is done being a bastard, and then he is the guy who Naruto trusts his life to, and Sakura's life and Kakashi-sensei's life and Iruka-sensei's life, which is a pretty big deal. He is the guy who is one of the only kids who Naruto can really make smile, even a little. It is never really at his pranks, otherwise he'd pull a lot more of them. Naruto never quite figures out what Sasuke smiles about exactly. It just seems random. He still likes it though. He tells Iruka-sensei that he keeps pulling those stupid pranks because he just wants attention, because that's the easy thing to say, but really it's because he thinks it makes Sasuke smile a little more and even if he's wrong, it's worth it. Iruka-sensei believes the stuff he says, or he says he does, because he'll always trust Naruto.

Sometimes, though, Sasuke is just so _weird_, and of course Naruto blames it all on his brother, but Itachi doesn't really _do_ anything, he's just there all the time. It's like he can't quite let Sasuke go, and then Naruto thinks sometimes that Sasuke is the same way. He never mentions his brother, but Naruto just knows he's always thinking about the guy. He doesn't really get why. It must be a family thing. He wonders if he could ask Iruka-sensei somehow, but then maybe not.

_Sasuke is so damn clingy._ Naruto thinks, right before he falls asleep. That part he remembers clearly the next morning.

Itachi did show up at the end of that night, Naruto remembers thinking that the guy was a stalker, in the morning, but then Itachi just shrugged and disappeared again. Sasuke didn't wake, or maybe he just pretended not to, but Naruto did and he stared at that guy silently for a long time. For a minute in the moonlight and the shadow he thinks he'd seen Itachi's eyes turn red, even though he knows that they're big and black, like Sasuke's. Maybe it was the Sharingan. He's seen it before, in Sasuke's eyes. It's cool but creepy. It doesn't look like Sasuke's eyes when he does that, his eyes look painted-over and blank and it's kinda scary because it's not _Sasuke_, y'know?

Naruto wonders, later, what the hell is going on in that house. But, well, as long as Sasuke isn't going nuts it's gotta be ok, right?

**END**

A/N: I was struggling with this because I try to give every chapter (and indeed, every work) that I do some sort of general meaning, whether in or out of context, and here (and in Sakura's chapter) I just couldn't really do it properly. Or rather I did but I doubt anyone would catch it, because of how random that was. The title is an example of that. Sometimes the stuff you write only makes sense to you, y'know?

This one wasn't easy for me. I love Naruto, but I can't write him worth a damn. Dunno why. **If it's OOC please tell me**. I think I am writing him too enthusiastic to hide the fact that I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I adore that mix of clueless-ness and perceptiveness Naruto has sometimes, but I can't get it down on paper.


	6. Prince Charming

A/N: before we start, I will say this. I DO NOT support Sakura/Itachi in any way, shape or form.

That said, this is Sakura/Itachi. Before you run, just give it a try. I am trying to portray this AU realistically, and Sakura has a giant crush on Sasuke. Now give her a guy who looks like Sasuke, acts like Sasuke, and is five years older, not to mentioned ANBU captain and fairly polite when cornered. You see what I mean?  
Of course, it's only one-sided. But if you really don't like it in the end, come tell me that.

Sakura is too old for fairytales, but a girl's got a right to dream, right?

**Prince Charming**

She met him first on the bridge. Or rather, that was when they were first introduced, because Sakura (and everyone else in the village) has known about Uchiha Itachi and Sasuke-kun for a long time. After all, both of them are brilliant and tough and just… genius, she supposes, so it's not surprising everyone knows about them.

But she'd met Sasuke before, a long time ago when his parents were alive they had played in the park together for an afternoon. Or rather, Sakura had played and Sasuke had just sat there with his mother for two hours on the bench, frowning. She had thought he was a terribly boring kid back then, before she'd understood anything. He didn't even join the game of tag Ino started that day.

It was only later, when they'd met in the academy, that Sakura had finally understood why everyone praised Uchiha Sasuke. By then the war with the Cloud had taken her own father away, and in a way she'd felt sympathetic to the boy whose parents were both dead. She hadn't heard about the older brother, had just assumed that Sasuke lived on an allowance from the village like other orphans did.

Despite this, however, when she'd met him she'd immediately realized how far he would go. Sasuke had something about him that made her think he had a goal that was more than graduating into Genin-hood and finding a boyfriend before she got too old. He was quiet, sure, but that self-assurance which Sakura had and still is totally enchanted with was present even back then, when most of the kids were too young to even think of anything more than running away from Iruka-sensei's boring lessons.

Sakura still doesn't quite know what that goal is. When Kakashi-sensei had asked about it, Sasuke simply said that he wanted to become the best. He didn't elaborate and Sakura still hasn't asked about it. She doesn't think she will. Some things are just too private.

But, eventually she had meet Uchiha Itachi, and now she thinks she might understand.

Itachi-san is such a strange person. That was her first impression and it stuck. Beneath the surface of polite greetings (more polite than Sasuke, certainly. Itachi-san even bowed to her slightly, although she is younger and inferior and all sorts of things. It is a gesture she is and always will be enchanted with) there is something sad about him. Sakura thinks that he must miss his parents. It would be hard, she imagines, taking care of Sasuke all on his own.

That first meeting on the bridge had started something which Sakura doesn't quite understand yet, possibly because she's twelve and possibly because she's never felt like this before. When she'd seen Itachi-san before, she'd always thought that he was one of those ANBU whom you should not speak to. The Shinobi who are wholly dedicated to their work, those who have no heart and no compassion to speak of. Sakura may be young, but she's not naïve. She knows what it means to be a ninja, what it means to be a Kunoichi, and that it's not all about being strongest or fastest or the best at school. It's hard not to notice these things, when you see some people walking around on the street who when they look at you have no soul behind their eyes.

No, Sakura is not stupid. She knows someday she's going to do things she'll never be able to forget, things she can barely even imagine right now because they're not taught in the academy or mentioned by their kind-hearted teachers. She thinks, with that childish certainty, that she'll be different from those people she sees around her, but in reality every day that belief is slipping away.

With that belief goes her certainty about understanding people. At first she used to think that Naruto was just an idiot without anything behind his smile but the urge to enjoy himself and some stupid ideal he only wants because it means he's famous. She used to think, too, that Sasuke-kun was just motivated instead of somewhat frightening, that he was the sort of guy who in the end of they day would come home and get married and have kids. She used to think Kakashi-sensei was a pervert and totally useless as Shinobi, one of those people who got to a certain point and then just shrugged and made themselves comfortable on the back of hard-working people.

She used to think Itachi-san was heartless or cruel, the kind of guy who good girls stay away from. Her opinion hasn't changed that much, but Sakura doesn't think he's cruel anymore. Cruel people shouldn't be so thoughtful, walking their brother to the bridge everyday and talking to his friends and all sorts of things with the feeling about them that they are doing something routine, something to be nice. Cruel people shouldn't smile like that, just barely visible but entirely trueful instead of a fake grin or whatever expressions some people throw on their faces. Cruel people shouldn't even _try_ to fit in, be polite and not comment that Sakura is blushing (unlike Naruto, who always teases her about it). Cruel people shouldn't be tactful or considerate.

No, Itachi-san isn't cruel. Sakura thinks he isn't really cold-hearted, either, but that is harder to prove with only two minutes a day of interaction. Sometimes she asks Sasuke if they can walk home together on the offchance that she'll see Itachi-san getting back from his missions. Sometimes Sasuke says yes (well actually Naruto grabs both of them and starts talking about stupid things while they're walking, but the effect is all the same). Sometimes she does see Itachi-san, and even if Sakura can't keep the blush off her face when she meets him he always raises a hand in greeting, quietly self-assured.

Sakura cherishes those memories, because they prove that even people in the ANBU, the sort of people who have lost everything already, have done all the things she is still so afraid of, are capable of at least being a little bit kind. Even though Itachi-san barely ever says a word, Sakura chucks it up to him being just like Sasuke-kun, just naturally quiet (which is sooo cool, as opposed to Naruto who never shuts up for a minute).

Sometimes she thinks about her future. Sakura still likes to dream, think about going out on dates and being engaged and getting married, even having kids. She is twelve, and although she's much too young for such things (and knows it) she also knows that by the time she is 16 she should have made Chuunin or Jounin and be out on missions already, with no time to spare and few chances to even see her boyfriend, much less actually get one.

Which is why, in the end, she likes Itachi-san better than Sasuke. Because Sasuke is young, and he doesn't think about that stuff yet because boys are so _stupid_ sometimes, because they all think they'll live forever and have time later when they _won't_. Even Naruto who does want to go on a date (not that Sakura ever will, even if he's not as stupid as she thought he was) is always thinking about Hokage this and Hokage that without realizing that on the way there he is going to die, and maybe he'll be alone, with nothing left in the end except his stupid ranks. And isn't it better to have at least gone out with a nice boy first, get a chance to live a little before Sakura becomes just like those ANBU you're not supposed to talk to?

Itachi-san, at least, she knows is ready. Maybe he doesn't want to date and that sort of thing, but Sakura is sure he at least understands that it's now or never, that she _not_ too young or too naïve or too inexperienced. Because Itachi-san is too polite to say that, maybe just polite enough to go out to dinner with her, first with Sasuke and Naruto there, maybe with Iruka-sensei who still likes to listen to all the things they do, and then later on their own, just the two of them, and maybe eventually he'll start to talk.

Sakura thinks she can handle it, dating a guy who's five years older than her, because Itachi-san is polite, because he isn't one of those ANBU you're not supposed to talk to, because he's Sasuke's older brother who in the end she knows she can trust.

Because if it's now or never, Sakura prefers to pick Prince Charming over Peter Pan.

END

A/N: …that was my first fic with Sakura in it. Is it OOC? I dunno…just to remind you, this is HER POV, she doesn't honestly understand Itachi or Sasuke, although in reality she shouldn't, should she?

The reference came out of nowhere, right? I guess that was somewhat ill planned. But… Prince Charming is supposed to be perfect and, well, charming, which to Sakura Itachi is (partially because she really has no idea what she's talking about) and Peter Pan, in the end, is just a little kid who doesn't understand the real world where people grow up way too quickly and there's work to be done, just like Sasuke and Naruto don't understand why Sakura is rushing.

I'd just like to say that… writing this has given me perspective on pairings.

A good couple for a certain circumstance will work whether you plan to put it in or not, simply becoming an implied thing within the writing without any sort of prodding from the author. I think I managed that for the first time, and I feel proud of myself for it. I think it's a step in the right direction on the road to good writing.

Anyway, this is the last chapter, no more should be expected (unless I get some sort of sudden brainstorm).


End file.
